oh em hoyt

Ya’ll, today is America’s 250th Birthday! The Fourth has always been my favorite holiday for all the reasons; it feels like the summer has finally arrived, it’s non-religious, fireworks are rad, and I have always felt privileged to live in this beautiful country. I don’t do politics whatsoever so keep that sh*t to yourselves. Today is a day to celebrate independence and freedom and appreciate all the things we take for granted (ie: the fact that I am a woman writing a blog freely about my opinions or lack thereof) The world is a scary place to live in but for today, I’m gunna do the damn thing and use the excuse to eat good food, listen to Bruce Springsteen, and love on my family ❤️🇺🇸

With that being said and out of the way, it’s time for a monthly reflection and recap. June was one hell of a month. It seemed to fly by but, while looking back at it, it was so full of all the things that it feels like it was 3 months rolled into 1!

I have to be honest, the tail end of the month had me out of sorts and mostly I think it’s because I didn’t have as much time as I usually do to focus on myself and look inward. This last week in particular, I felt the busy-ness of the whole month in this overwhelming and out of character self-pity. And now, as I’m reflecting, I’m realizing that this is exactly what I needed; to take a step back and give myself some “congratitude”. Sometimes it’s okay to feel like getting through is enough. I tend to be too hard on myself and constantly think I should be doing more instead of stopping to be like “yeah but look at all you did do”. So, here are my congratitudes for the month of June.

• 9 YEARS MARRIED TO MY BEST FRAAAAND — I feel like most years I say how our marriage and our relationship keeps getting better. And that’s true, because we work at being better versions of ourselves to and for each other but this year, THIS YEAR BOI, we done did some thangs ya’ll! Its one of those “well duh” kind of realizations that this year I feel like we both really put focus on ourselves as individuals while being supportive and driving each other to do better in our own ways. And in turn, it helped us grow stronger together. Sharing our fears, celebrating our successes, supporting each other through setbacks, and also, savoring our time together in new ways. Year nine was incredible for us as a married couple but also as individuals. Here’s to year 10 and re-newing our vows next year. Not because we need a re-do, but because our relationship has evolved into something even more beautiful than we could have imagined and that deserves to be celebrated and our commitment to each other is constantly re-newed.

• 2 WHOLE YEARS OF SOBRIETY — there is a whole separate post for this that, I somehow cannot get myself to write. Idk if it’s because there is SO much I have/want to say about it or that the words just simply aren’t enough to speak to this overwhelming need to speak on it. The paradox of sobriety never seems to be lost on me. I am so grateful and there are so many thoughts on it.

Notes for my sobriety post: year number 2 was less about not drinking and more about living this real, harsh, beautiful, life intentionally, in truth and authenticity. But not for others, not to just stay sober, but for me — making amends to myself for past me, doing my damndest to be accountable to present me, and paying it forward to future me. One of the hardest parts of sobriety was trying to reconcile all the ways in which my drinking was and could have completely ruined my life or ultimately and slowly ended it. And not just all of the embarrassing, cringe-worthy, disgusting things I did, people I deeply regret hurting and worrying, and horrible decisions I made (some of which are still affecting my life now); those realities alone are enough to send me down a deep shame spiral that I have to claw my way out of on bad days. The most difficult though is the insurmountable time I feel I wasted.

• I RAN MY SECOND 10K and it was so beautiful I cried through mile three. 💪🏻 Running is a sobriety blessing I never thought would ever be as rewarding as it is.

[ JULY THINGS & LIVING WHIMSICALLY ]

We are heading on vacation in July and outside of Lucy’s arrival, it is the most exciting thing of the summer (even though I now make it a point to get excited over every little simple thing in life).

We’re going to see Dave Matthews Band — my hunnie’s favorite since I’ve known him. It’s a two day show in Saratoga Springs, NY and my first ever DMB concert. We have a quaint little RV and campsite we found on AirBnB and an additional experience booked — a freaking hike with goats at a Rescue Goat Farm! And after that, a much needed “staycation” from work. This could not have come at a better time as chaos at work is about to hit an all-time high.

Much of the focus this year in sobriety has been on finding what fuels me; the simple joys that create peacefulness in my heart and sooth my mind. But also, the deeper meaning behind all of it and how cultivating and manifesting these things in the every day start creating this big full life I’ve gotten a second chance at building.

So here’s to embarking on my third year in sobriety, a new month of adventure and new experiences, and a great big summer filled with joy.