oh em hoyt

Ya’ll, the title says it all. Looking back on a February that was short & sweet. Maybe the powers that be intentionally made February the shortest month because they somehow knew that all of the January’s seem to last for-fucking-ever. And after this particular January, I know I needed a fuckin’ break.

I was in the midst of what I’m calling a “seasonal slump” which was also fueled by this gnarly issue with my tooth and some of the worst winter weather we’ve seen in years here in the ROC.
I ended my January post with a little better perspective going into February and it seemed to help guide me into a sweet month filled with a lot of little (and some big) pockets of simple joys.

I started the month off with an attempt to counteract the grips that this seasonal depression had on me through trying to focus on the beauty of winter instead of wallowing in it. Hubby and I went on a day trip to Niagara Falls which is semi-frozen this time of year and a true gem only an hour or so drivey drive away. First of all, I love my husband’s willingness to just hop in the truck and indulge in my “little adventure” whimsies and beyond that, how much he genuinely connects with my “why” — a drive (pun intended) to connect with nature and see the beauty in a season that mostly makes me feel hopeless.

And ya’ll! Let me tell you, the falls did NOT disappoint .. check this out 👇🏼

If only even for the day, it shifted my perspective a bit and got me out of my “micro” way of thinking. Sometimes it’s hard to take yourself out of the ho-hum of the day to day, right? Especially when the weather is such a downer, it’s hard to see the bigger picture of things, of life. That we are all just tiny little blips on this planet, in the vast universe. It was a much-needed reminder of how lucky I am to exist in a world as beautiful as this.

The trip to the falls propelled a more positive outlook for the month; a desire to re-connect not only with the natural elements but with myself and the fundamentals of what keeps me feeling fulfilled and alive. And with that mindset, February may have been short in days, but it was not in moments of gratitude and finding reasons to feel joy.

A couple highlights to note:

• we did see a few days above freezing temperatures which allowed me to get out and go for runs on multiple occasions and words can’t do justice to how much better this makes me feel on all the levels. I’ve said it plenty of times before, but running and regular exercise has to be one of the mainstay reasons as to why I was able to get sober and still, continue to stay sober. What started as a reason to just keep busy, has now turned into the most positive habit I’ve developed since quitting drinking. It gives me all the good things that I sought in addiction and none of the bad.

• my sister is pregnant with another girl!! out of respect for her public timeline of announcing the pregnancy, I have yet to even blog about this. For the obvious reasons, I am SO excited for this new baby but also for a lot of personal reasons as well. I still feel a lot of guilt and shame surrounding my sister’s pregnancy with my niece Lena and the first few months of her life. I wasn’t sober until Lena was a little over 6 months old and although I never did anything inherently bad to them during that time, I’ve just always felt this sense of regret that I wasn’t able to be fully present. My drinking was obviously the worst that it had been and knowing what I know and feel now, it makes me kind of sad that I wasn’t this version of myself for them then. So, that being said, I know I can’t shoulda/woulda/coulda and dwell on that but, I can show up this time around, fully present, 1000% excited and ready to be the best auntie I can for both my nieces and a solid support for my sister. And that makes me even more grateful and excited for the whole experience. PS – my sister also asked me if I would be there in the delivery room with her to bring new baby into the world which is a huge thing in general but also something I know she would have never considered as an option if this were back before I got sober.

• my creativity has been re-invigorated – I was feeling so down for a while that I took an un-intentional hiatus from a lot of my creative outlets. I wasn’t creating content on IG as regularly as I had been, I hadn’t done anything with my vision board since the New Year, and I halted production on anything new for OhEmDesigns. I honestly think that a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was spreading myself too thin prior to and throughout holiday season. I began feeling overwhelmed by even the thought of starting anything new up again, that I said to heck with it all. Hindsight has made me see that for one, I was just being too hard on myself, two, that maybe I did just need a little break, and three, that as soon as I stopped trying to force it, eased my way back into it, it ended up propelling me to feel inspired all over again. And now, with the foresight, I am starting anew, with a little more grace, and a lot less pressure. I keep having to remind myself that just like sobriety, and anything worth a shit in life, there is no timeline or perfect way of doing anything. I have to do what feels right, at the time that it does, and stop putting unreasonable (or any) expectations on myself. Creativity isn’t something you can write a formula to and “figure out”. I just have to remember my why. That these are things I love to pour myself into and do it for me. The rest will take care of itself. So, here’s to new exciting things on the horizon and having fun with all of it!

SO ya’ll, my intention was to keep this post just like February; short and sweet but that’s just not how the thoughts in my head jumble out into this blog. In all honesty, I’m leaving out a bunch of other little details like a wonderfully sweet & simple Valentines with my hunnie, another day-venture at the outlet mall to get some new running shoes, settling into the chaos(?) at work, catching up on time with a couple friends, spending time with my mom (even if it is just for grocery & errand runs), and everyday focus and gratitude for my sobriety in the midst of not making as many meetings as I’d like to due to work. Let me make this abundantly clear, none of this would be possible without the continued dedication and gratitude I have for my recovery.

And with that, I’ll end this post with hopeful notes for the third month of 2026. For one, can we get an amen for daylight savings (even though I’m still unsure to why it’s still a thing?) and SPRING!!???!!!! I know March is not going to be without another bout (or 3) of wintry BS, but spring is on her way! In just a few short weeks, warmer weather will be here and with that comes so many exciting things! This means more runs and outdoor exercise/activities, continuing on with and embracing my creative process, ideas and planning for an upgraded garden/outdoor space, and an immeasurable amount of excitement for what’s to come!

Final note and then I’m for real done I promise: I am so glad that I’ve kept up and stayed vigilant about doing these monthly posts. Even if I’d like to be updating more often, the reflection really helps to shape a more positive perspective even if throughout the month and the day-to-day seems to overwhelm and get me down at times, looking back, I’m able to feel so grateful for this simply wonderful little life I’ve built.

STAY SAFE • STAY YOU • STAY SOBER AF ✌🏼