oh em hoyt

Ya’ll! I ran a freaking 5K yesterday! I’m honestly still so overwhelmed with it that I don’t even know where to start this post. There are so many reasons as to why this race is so important to me and how this year, it meant even more to me (in different ways) than it did last year.

This was the 11th annual ROCovery 5K/10K/X-Challenge. This organization and all it’s done for not only me, but the Rochester Recovery Community on is incredible. It is truly one of the (many reasons) I believe I was able to get and stay sober for as long as I have been. September is National Recovery Month and yesterday (9/14) was National Sober Day. So, how fitting to run a race that raised over $63,000 to aid in addiction recovery services and awareness.

There was a sign that hit me in the gut and simply says it all,

“RUNNING FOR OURSELVES,
FOR THOSE WE LOVE,
AND FOR THOSE WE’VE LOST”

• I RAN FOR MYSELF •
Reflecting on how much has changed for me since last year’s 5K is crazy. For one, let me brag about me for a second. This year my official time was 33:30 minutes. That’s almost 2 full minutes faster than last year. I placed 44 of 177 overall and 15 of 95 females (which also means there were more female baddies who ran BTW).
This year, I put more effort into training which clearly paid off in the results. What I keep coming back to is this “cliche” saying that it’s more about the journey than the destination. And I hate to admit it, but that shit rings true. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s badass that I just ran a 5K full of hills in 33 minutes when a year and a half ago, I couldn’t run down my street without having to stop and catch my breath. What means more is to not only appreciate how far I’ve come physically, but mentally how much stronger I am. Running has become therapeutic for me, and it’s taught me things about myself that I couldn’t imagine were possible. The simple fact that I could put my mind to something and actually go beyond what I thought I was capable of, that’s something I could get addicted to. It seems silly to think that running 3.1 miles around my neighborhood could garner such a change in perspective, but it has. It’s not just about running. It’s about the fact that I’m astonished as to what my body is capable of, what I am capable of. It opens up possibilities that I don’t even have a grasp on yet. I’m not discounting that this shit was hard, but I’m almost thinking to myself like “shit, that’s what I was able to do in a few months with a little effort? Well, watch out cause I’m catching fire now” On top of that, I had all these beautiful morning runs where I got to know my neighborhood, listen to all these great playlists, be outside, be with myself, and get to know her a little better. I’m amped up about it and so excited for what else is in store!

• I RAN FOR THOSE I LOVE •
For my husband who I can’t say gush over enough. He had a front row seat to how bad my addiction got and for him to stick through that alone, makes him the strongest and most patient person I know. But, to also champion me through my recovery, to go through all the ups and downs and support me with this undeniable belief in me, that meant more than anything. I continue to stay sober for a lot of reasons; he is at the top of that list. I’m a better wife because I’m sober and it’s taken a lot to get to the point of feeling the truth in that.
For my family, my parents who have always loved me no matter how difficult I’ve made it to do so, my sister with whom I share an unbreakable bond, strength of recovery with, and who also gave me the greatest gift, my niece Lena. Lena is too young now to understand what me running across that finish line means but having her there meant more than she’ll ever know. I want to make her proud, I want to show her what it means to be a strong, fierce female. I want her to someday know my story and hope she never has to go down the path that I did to get to where I am because of it. I ran for everyone who’s supported me along the way. My coworkers, friends (new and old), the sober community I’ve found, every single person who has wished me well in this crazy ride, I feel it and I appreciate it.

• I RAN FOR THOSE I’VE LOST •
For Amanda Lynn Merrell. My recovery has brought me to a place where I feel closer to you than I have since even before you left our physical realm. I wish you were here with us to bask in all that life has turned out to be, and that makes me sad, but at the same time those feelings fuel my desire to keep doing things and creating moments that honor you. In all of the ways, I will forever miss you, and in as many ways as I can, I will live my life in recovery for you.
For Aunt Buck. For Uncle Terry. For Mama Hoyt. For all the ones I wish could have been there yesterday, who I know were there in spirit and here with me every day.