oh em hoyt

A year of sobriety and I’ve come so far! I have this tendency to downplay my achievements. Like, I am proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish but it’s always more of a fleeting feeling and then I’m on to this “okay, that was cool, but what now? What’s next?” thought process. I’m working on the concept of contentment. It’s not that I’m not content, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, truly. But I also live in this place of always wanting more and although I think it’s an attribute to strive for better, I also think it’s good practice to take time to appreciate all the badass stuff I’ve done in recovery. So here goes my attempt at bragging about how fucking awesome I am now that I’m sober!

• I ran my first 5K with ROCovery! The run itself was freaking awesome but the best part about it was that in preparation for it, I discovered that I actually enjoy running and I’ve managed to incorporate at least a mile run into most of my workouts.

• I successfully completed 10 months of outpatient treatment – I had been in and out of outpatient treatment a few times before, but this was the first time I went voluntarily and took it seriously. Although, I felt a lot of it was stuff I already knew, actually incorporating the things we talked about into my recovery and to develop and stick to a plan for sobriety really paid off. It was just another way to keep myself accountable and actively work on my recovery.

• The Sober “Firsts” • Now that I’ve hit a year, I’ve managed to hit all the major firsts while maintaining sobriety: First 4th of July was tough; I was only one month sober, the 4th is my favorite holiday, and it’s a big drinking holiday (not that all of them weren’t). First Christmas, First Birthday, First New Year’s Eve (all of those rolled into literally one weeks’ time BTW) Luckily by this time, I had 6 months sober, and it was Lena’s first Christmas so my god, it was magical, and I was so happy to be sober and remember all the memories we made. Aside from all the first holidays, I also went to my first live music show, got through my first sober football season (this was a big one), our first vacation, and also my husband’s solo vacation to Florida which left me home alone for a week, this was a huge challenge that I got through unscathed and un-drunk! Lots of other firsts that not many people think are a big deal, but can be super triggering for a problem drinker like me: First time at a bar/brewery, first kickball game, first hospital visit/health scare, first hot summer day with the next day off, first casino trip (which made me realize how much I don’t really like the casino), first doctor’s physical which was scary as shit!, and so many more. Oh! The first time I uttered the words “I’m Emily, I’m an alcoholic.” That was a big one.

• I did the Murph Challenge on Memorial Day which I trained 8 weeks for. This was probably the most intense I’ve gotten into work outs, and I absolutely loved it! I regularly started hitting the gym, improved my mile run by minutes (I’m down to 8.5 minutes from around 13 when I first started running for the 5K), started being much more conscious about nutrition, and started feeling and looking stronger.

• I read a lot of Quit-Lit (and a few romance novels!) I can’t not list off all these amazing books that I highly recommend to anyone in recovery, sober-curious, or knows someone in recovery. Or honestly, anyone at all.
• Soulbriety by Elisa Hallerman
• Let That Sh*t Go by Kate Petriw and Nina Purewal
• This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
• The Unexpeced Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
• Sunshine Warm Sober by Catherine Gray
• Scare Tissue by Anthony Kiedis
• Last Call, Stupid by Joshua Dean
• Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker
• Dopamine Nation by Anne Lembke, MD
• Beyond Booze by Sarah Rusbatch
• Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen
• The Weight of Air by David Poses

• I applied for a management position at work. This is the most recent development and still in progress, so I’ll keep ya’ll posted!

I think the biggest achievement in sobriety isn’t all the accomplishments I can put into a list or anything tangible at all. The profound sense of self that I’ve found in sobriety has been life-changing and soul-affirming. It’s hard to put into words how proud I am of how all of the relationships in my life have flourished and grown but nothing compares to the relationship I’ve developed with myself. It’s the most cliche thing I could say but I really have learned to love myself fully and that is the most empowering feeling in the world.

Stay Safe • Stay You • Stay Sober.af