oh em hoyt

Ya’ll! I have been sober for one whole year!

Yesterday was a day that I had been looking forward to for months. It was also one that 366 days ago, I never would have imagined being a reality. It’s fucking wild that I even got sober to begin with. Let alone, how far I’ve come and how amazing I feel.

I had gone back and forth agonizing over what to say about it on social media and for the most part, I feel like I pretty much nailed it! But, there’s still a lot that I chose to omit. I could go on and on about all the ways I am a completely different, better, and a more gracious human because of recovery.

I thought it would sound too much like a rehearsed acceptance speech, like I had been given an award or some shit. I wrote in that post how I felt like I didn’t deserve to celebrate it. But that would be a gross injustice to how fucking hard it was, how hard I worked, and all of the beautiful, amazing people, places, and things that helped me get to where I am now.

So, I decided that today, after an incredible day yesterday where my family and friends all came out to celebrate this milestone with me AND brought flowers, sweet cards, thoughtful gifts, and SO MUCH LOVE <3, I’m going to ride that high and make an appreciation post for all the things I’m so incredibly blessed to have changed my life and how thankful I am to sobriety, recovery, and the new version of me I get to share with the world!

Let me start off by saying that I’m prouder of what I’ve been able to take from sobriety and how I’ve built a better life because of it than I am of the simple fact that I haven’t picked up a drink in 366 days.

I don’t mean to discount how difficult it is to quit drinking; I struggled harder than I’d like to admit and I still get triggered by the most random shit. But it turns out, not consuming alcohol is the easy part. Dealing with everything else in a sober state of mind and staying the course when shit gets tough is where the real work is. Learning how to live life without alcohol and learning to feel worthy of that life is what it’s really about.

I guess it’s just that a lot of the big “milestone” things, although really awesome, don’t live up to as much of the hype as the other stuff. It’s the stuff in between that makes the real difference; the little wins, the small things that a lot of people take for granted or haven’t experienced because they’ve never been a drunk before; those are the things that mean so much more.

• The first day you wake up without the shakes, nausea, crippling anxiety, and self-hatred. (**Memory cut to that/those time(s) your husband had to feed you like you were a child because the shakes were so bad you couldn’t hold a fork to your mouth)
• A walk outside when all of your senses aren’t numb and dull
• The “none” box you check at the doctor’s office when the intake form asks “how many alcoholic drinks you consume daily”
• How good food tastes
• The first time you babysit your niece because your sister actually trusts you to be alone with her
• Getting up early enough to watch the sunrise with a hot cup of coffee
• Not hearing your mother say “you smell like booze” every time you see her
• A friend you haven’t seen in a while telling you “Your skin looks incredible”
• Memories, in general

Those are just the short list of things that kept me going. Those are the things no one talks about cause it seems silly and so insignificant. I want more of those things and staying sober is how I get them.

There were also a lot of things I managed to accomplish that 366-day-ago Emily would have been like “YOU DID WHAT?” and at the risk of coming off as vain and arrogant, I made a “YO, YOU DID THAT” list. And to be honest, my husband made me realize that it was important to remind myself of all the things I was able to achieve both big and small. All of the things I’ve been able to do that never would have happened had I not gotten sober. I’ll post that list in my next post.

But first, now I’d like to get to the gratitude part of the speech. One of the first lessons “they” teach you in some/most recovery programs, is the concept of “people, places, and things” and how each of them play a huge role in the process to sustainable sobriety. I cannot stress enough how fucking true this is. And I’d like to take a lot of moments to recognize the people, places, and things, that made and continue to make the difference in my success in sobriety. Feel free to skip any or all of this, a lot of it is personal, but also, so necessary to take the time to acknowledge.

[ PEOPLE ]

• My Husband and Love for a Lifetime, Dylan Hoyt • First and always, the incredible human that chose me to be his wife, who chooses me still, every single day. I cannot put into words what it means to have the amount of patience, love, understanding, forgiveness, compassion, and strength it takes to have stayed by my side through all of this. And by this, I mean our entire relationship, filled with ups and downs, and a lot of shameful, unforgiveable things I’ve done. No other person on this planet has seen or suffered the depths of low that my addiction brought more than he has. And yet, he has loved me through it all with unwavering support and a belief in me that even I wasn’t capable of understanding. His faith in me is one of the most precious gifts I could ever receive, and I am forever grateful that he is still here, and still my biggest supporter.

• My Sister, Sare • Aside from my parents, there isn’t another human whom I have loved or has loved me longer than my sister. And it’s a love embedded with fierceness, power, and an unbreakable bond like no other. To go into our sister story would take an entirely separate blog (that might be a decent or potentially horrible idea actually…💭)
Sare has dealt with addiction for a good chunk of our adult lives, and it has been an up and down experience for us individually and together. Seeing her forge her own path and journey to recovery hasn’t always been easy. There are a lot of times and ways I wish I had handled things differently and I’m sure she feels the same. At the end of the day, what matters most is that we have never given up on each other, the love we have for each other has never been a question in my mind. And, today, we are both sober individuals; a fact that hasn’t been true for a lot of years over our lifetime. I am so proud of the woman, mother, daughter, and sister she is, and I could not be more grateful for how far our relationship has grown. We are eternally bonded over so many things, and now we have one more amazing thing that we can share with each other, and that is so special.

• My Niece, Lena • The joy that this child brings to my soul is unmatched, like no other experience I’ve ever felt. She has no idea yet and probably never will how much her being in this world has meant to my life. She gives me a whole different purpose for wanting to stay sober and alive period. I want to live as long as I possibly can to spend my time watching her grow. Our Aunt Buck (it’s a nickname and story for another time) was the most fun and in a lot of ways was exactly the kind of aunt I want to be for Lena. But, she also fought a long battle of addiction and not only did we lose her, Lena will grow up never knowing her. I don’t want that for Lena. I want a lifetime filled with Michael Jackson dance parties, frog races in the bathtub, horseback riding, pool parties, laughing til we cry, all the adventures, and so much more. The fact that I get to do all of those things wouldn’t be possible without sobriety and the memories we have yet to have continue to be a driving force in what keeps me strong in my resolve to be a good role model and auntie for her.

• My Mom & Dad • I am beyond blessed to have been given life by two of the most wildly different, yet incredible people I have ever known. I’ve learned a lot through recovery and therapy about how family dynamics and upbringing shape you into the person you become. My parents have given me an incredible life and for most of it, my biggest goal has been to make them proud. I spent a lot of years doing the opposite of that, but they never for one second made me feel unloved, unworthy, or that I wasn’t capable of doing better. I obviously wouldn’t be alive without them, but I definitely wouldn’t still be here and thriving if not for the support, guidance, and unconditional love they’ve given me.

• My Co-workers and Amazing Friends • The social aspect of sobriety was probably the one I was most nervous about. Simply because, most of my early drinking days were spent going out, making friends, and being social. I do think that naturally as we age, we grow out of certain friend groups, people come and go in your life, it’s just the way it is. I’m fortunate enough to have a lot of people, both past, present, and forever that have come in and out of my life that I know are rooting for me. This past year, I’ve grown closest with a few who I could share my journey with, who have championed me, lifted me up, and simply made my life more fun and so much richer.
A few in particular I’d like to shout out:
Shannon, my favorite coworker, my boss, and my little peanut butter cup, who, in a short period of time has become an incredible friend. She is fierce, and strong, hysterical, sweet, uber talented, inspiring and I am so grateful to have her in my life.
Lynn, my “cultured” lunch club mate and dearest friend with whom I’ve shared so many stories, lunches, laughs, dinner parties, shows, and more with; Lynn has a magnetism about her that is so endearing, and I will forever cherish the friendship we have and the time we spend together.
Zach, who may live the farthest away, but who, in so many ways, I’ve always felt closest to. No one defines the term “tough love” quite like he does but in countless ways he has made me want to be a better version of myself. I will be eternally in debt to him for all the drunk and now sober ramblings, making me pee my pants in fits of laughter, always cheering me on at a distance (literally and figuratively), and being the very best friend and incredible human that he is.

• The Members of SOS • who per the guidelines of our meetings, will remain anonymous – every single one of them has impacted my sobriety in ways each of them probably doesn’t even realize. I’ve never felt more bonded to and comfortable with a bunch of complete strangers quite like I have with them. I love being able to share our experiences with one another over this one common thread that brings us together. It’s indescribable how it feels to not be alone in this thing. I am so thankful that they’re there, every week, mostly for themselves and in turn, for me. 🤍

[ PLACES ]

• SOS Meetings • I know I just shouted out the “people” of SOS but I also had to include it in “places” too. Because, SOS is one of the building blocks in the foundation to my recovery. It is one of the now, many constants I have in sobriety. Early on, there were only a few constants that I could hold on to and SOS was a safe, if not, the only place I felt most safe and least alone in all of this. SOS stands for Secular Organizations for Sobriety. For myself, and my recovery process, I was firm on the fact that AA was not going to be the path I chose. I think AA is a wonderful and wildly successful option and I love that it exists and works for so many people. I believe strongly in spirituality being a big part of recovery, but it’s also something that I feel is so personal, unique, and special to me that I think it best to keep separate from this facet of my process. SOS provides stability, consistency, and an outlet for me to feel seen, heard, and understood in a way other people simply don’t.

• ROCovery Fitness • The Rochester Sober Community is so fucking blessed to have an organization like ROCovery. I truly don’t think that I’d be this far along in my recovery without this amazing group of individuals and the incredible outlet they’ve created over the past 10+ years. From their website (www.rocoveryfitness.org):
“ROCovery Fitness is a supportive community of physically active individuals brought together by sober living, committed to creating an environment of healing and recovery. Members, friends and families are empowered to discover their inner strength and confidence through adventure, fun and camaraderie.”

Yo! I cannot say enough about how this organization has changed my life and helped me through my recovery but also the incredible newfound perspective and appreciation I have for fitness and healthy living.

• Home • It seems silly, so cliche, and really corny but sobriety has given me this new and profound appreciation for feeling “at home”. I put a lot of effort into embracing the term “hygge” and creating a living space and environment that makes me feel comfortable, safe, and at peace. This “place” is more so a feeling, but it also does encompass my actual home too. I have space and places within my home that make me feel warm and happy, where I practice self-care, exercise, and meditation.

hyg·ge

[ˈho͞oɡə, ˈho͝oɡə]

noun

a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture):

[ SIDE BAR ]
I think this is also a good “place” to speak to the difference between isolation and solitude. When my drinking was at its worse, I was isolating from any and everything that didn’t revolve around alcohol. What’s strange is that the fear of being alone (and FOMO, its a real fucking thing for me), was a lot of the reason I drank in the first place. But, when it got bad, I had never felt more alone in my life. I started drinking in social situations, but as it progressed, I started isolating in an attempt or need to hide my drinking. I was lying to everyone about how much I was drinking, thinking I was hiding it well, and when it progressed to always drinking, being drunk, or still being drunk/hungover from the day before, I became constantly paranoid, on edge, and removed from everything I wasn’t forced to have to do.
When I got sober, I had to learn to see the good in being alone, truly looking at myself in a way I never had before and figuring out who I really was at my core. I had to intentionally set aside time for solitude. Time to and for myself. To build new habits and routines, try new things, and literally learn what it was like to go through every day without alcohol as a crutch. Little by little, and more still each day, I learn more about who I am, what brings me joy, the kind of person I want to be, what my purpose is and how I go about embracing all of that. It’s a gift that only getting sober could have given me.

• The Online Sober Community • I guess this fits under both “people” and “places” categories, but this is my speech, and I’ll put things where I damn well please. It wasn’t until around 6 months sober that I started really yearning for deeper connection to other sober people. I had definitely gotten more comfortable sharing at the SOS meetings but for good reasons, I try to keep the meetings, the people I see there and what we talk about separate; idk, I kind of feel like it’s one of those “church, state” kind of things. At the same time, sharing my story and the experiences I was going through at the meetings, felt good and I wanted more of that. That’s when I decided to start the blog, and I dabbled in some apps/groups on FB but nothing stuck quite like Instagram did. I literally searched sober hashtags and started following a bunch of others that had used the platform to share sober inspo, their daily lives, motivations, struggles, and everything in between. It inspired me to start my own separate account.
For one, it’s been such a huge creative outlet for me. I create and design all my own content to share the things that motivate and inspire me. I have also found SO many incredible people doing the most badass, rad, empowering shit in, with, and through their recovery. I’ve found a community of support; chatted and formed friendships with complete strangers from all over the world, discovered some really cool and informative podcasts, even jumped in on a few zoom meetings. It astonishes me daily how many of “us” there are out there. It’s encouraged me and empowered me to even start thinking about starting and hosting my own meetings and/or meet ups! Maybe there’s even a podcast in my future! The point is, it’s allowed me to feel confident in sharing my story and not being afraid to let people see how sobriety is the single most important thing in my life. So do what you will with it, but here’s the link 👇🏼

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Emily Hoyt (@oh.em.hoyt.sober.af) • Instagram photos and videos

[ THINGS ]

When I first got sober, the boredom was what I feared most and turned out to be the biggest challenge for me. I was literally making lists of the most mundane shit to do just to actively not drink (i.e.; take a shower, get the mail, brush your teeth, make coffee, fill the ice cube tray). All the things that “normal” people do without even thinking about. It sounds so fucking nuts to think about now, but it helped because no matter how trivial and not specifically time consuming those things are, it was one or two minutes longer that I hadn’t picked up a drink. Once you start stringing those little things together and they form habits and routine, bigger tasks don’t seem so daunting. Sobriety frees up SO much time

I have found so many things that I never thought I would enjoy until I got sober. Things that I would have never even considered before. And a lot of things that I attribute to my ability to maintain sobriety. I know I have a list posted somewhere on the blog and I’ve coined the term “fundies”, to describe the fundamental things that keep me sober. This list is comprised of all those things and a lot more I’ve found along the way that keep me going.

• Daily Journaling/Blogging • Even if journaling isn’t your thing, there’s a lot of reasons why I think it’s a great habit to start. For one, it’s a great way to set intentions for the day, week, month, year. It may sound silly but there’s something about physically writing something down, that helps to store it somewhere in my brain while also sending it out into the universe, like manifesting or some shit. It’s like creating a subconscious reminder of things. And obviously, something tangible you can go back to for reference if need be. For me, it’s also a way to slow down and take moments (sometimes hours) to check in with myself. If you aren’t someone who journals regularly or are like me and can’t just sit down and start writing on a blank page, I suggest doing prompted journals to “get the juices flowing”. I’ve created my own everyday journal for both am/pm intentions and reflections that have individual sections for thoughts/feelings, gratitude, self-care activities, daily takeaways, plans for tomorrow, and my sober day count (I know a lot of people don’t count days, but reminding myself that I’m sober every day, for as many days as I have been, automatically starts my day out positive). Give it a whirl, or don’t. At the very least, journaling is just another part of my daily routine that keeps me present and grounded.

• Exercise • If you are someone who wouldn’t even consider exercise as an everyday part of your routine, scoffs at the idea of the gym, makes a disgusted face at the thought of running, SAME! SAME! SAME! Or at least that was me before sobriety. I needed to fill a lot of time because before I got sober, anything I did revolved around drinking. In all fairness, I have always been a somewhat active person or at least considered myself to be, but I had no idea how out of shape and horribly unhealthy I actually was until I started doing just the slightest bit of exercise the proper way, sans alcohol.
No matter what or how I chose to do it, getting sober gave me a whole new appreciation for wanting to be healthier in general. And, for the record: you literally become a healthier person the second you quit drinking for the shear FACT that alcohol IS POISON. Through reading a ton of Quit-Lit and doing a bunch of nerd-search about all the horrible shit that alcohol does to our minds, bodies, and souls, I had this newfound determination to do better. Some of the shit I’ve read still has me scared. Like, I truly don’t know how I’m still alive. So, instead of going down the WebMD rabbit hole and worrying about all the potential damage I caused in 20-ish years of drinking, I decided to make a conscious effort to take care of myself and my body better. I’m not saying turn yourself into a fucking marathon runner, yogi, or body builder and I mean, all of those things are badass and totally do that if you want. It’s simply that I feel lucky and thankful that I somehow didn’t destroy my body completely or die, and that makes me want to do better and maybe somehow make up for it a little in the physical sense.
I definitely ran (pun intended) with this newfound appreciation and determination but not just for the afore mentioned reasons. Exercising and being more active helped my mental health TREMENDOUSLY. Through trying different activities like running, yoga (which I don’t regularly do), shadow boxing (which I do regularly do), and just regularly exercising, I found that my mental clarity improved, and for the first time in maybe forever, I was actually able to acknowledge what my body was capable (and not capable) of doing, and actually listen to it. Also, running and working out releases the same shit (dopamine, serotonin, endorphins) in your brain that alcohol does. The only difference is they work for you, not against you.
I’ll admit that I actually have become a full-blown exercise baddie, and I get that it’s not for everyone, but I promise, even the slightest bit of effort can produce some pretty incredible results. Start small, take a walk on your break at work, use the stairs instead of taking the elevator, make it a point to stretch when you wake up, the little things make a bigger difference than you think.

• Quit-Lit & Reading • Outside of anything I was required to read for school and magazines (shout out to TigerBeat and Glamour), reading was never my jam. Again, this is another one of the many things I took up in trying to fill my time. Turns out, I actually love it! I read mostly on my breaks at work when I need to shut my brain off, or in the bath when it’s time for me to relax which is an impossible concept for me but I made a priority when I got sober. Like, I literally have to schedule time to relax and practice self-care into my day/week as I think every single woman on the planet should do FTR. Anyway, reading is one of my many “things” now. Specifically, Quit Lit; sober people are fucking smart, and witty, and they’ve been through similar experiences that I can relate to. I’ve gained so much knowledge, interest, wisdom, and intrigue into reading all there is to know about being sober. The idk, 20-ish books I’ve read since getting sober (list to follow in that subsequent post I have yet to start) have changed and inspired, and given me a whole new outlook and perspective on what being sober is all about.

• All the Other (big and small) Things / Self-Care Practices • I’m running out of time and have to get my dinner going or else I’ll keep “finishing this blog post real quick” until next year and starve. A few more things that I’ve come to love and appreciate so much more since getting sober. Also, stressing the importance of the concept of SELF FUCKING CARE. I schedule that shit. I make sure I take time out of every single day to practice self-care as a concept, as part of my routine. Do it. Do you, First. Last. and Always.

Bubble Baths • A “Regular” (or somewhat regular) Sleep Schedule • Sharing my Story with Others • Therapy • Sugar • Music • Art • Plants • Candles • Hiking • Coffee • Sunrises & Sunsets • Good Food • Fun NA Drinks • Making People Laugh • Crying • Emotions in General • Confidence • Clean Sheets • Organization • A Killer Thunderstorm • Connection • Good Vibes • Recovery

That’s it, that’s all, Shit! That’s plenty, that’s enough, for now!

Stay Safe • Stay You • Stay Sober.af ✌🏼