oh em hoyt

I’ve thought long & hard about this post. I’ve been searching for the right words to say, what message to send, how to express the way it feels to have made it a full year in sobriety. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about it, or more appropriately, I have all the feelings about it.

Being proud of getting sober is hard when you feel like it never should have gotten to the point of having to get sober in the first place. I think back to how long I was putting alcohol above literally everything and everyone in my life. When I think about that version of myself, I can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve to feel as happy and free and at peace as I do.

But, I am happy GDit! I am finally free! And I’ve found peace (mostly) in being able to hit the stop button on that negative playback loop. I can look back on the past 365 days and say that I am proud.

Sobriety has been a yearlong revolving door of contradictions. It doesn’t even feel real and yet, this is the realest I’ve ever felt. I have never felt so strong and empowered through accepting that it’s okay to be weak and feel powerless. This has been a journey I had to do alone, for myself, and on my own; but also, one I never would’ve been able to do without asking for help and having the support that I do. The only way to keep myself from being out of control, was to stop trying to control everything (especially my drinking problem). The only way to stop hating myself for who I had become, was to learn to actually love myself and accept love in a way I never had before.

I am so full of gratitude. For all of it. For everyone. For every little thing I get to experience now with a clear mind, an open heart, and so much joy.

Sobriety saved my life. Getting sober allowed me to become the hero in a story that the villain inside me wrote and played out for far too long.

So, yes, one year is a big freakin’ deal and I’m gunna celebrate it!

But also, forget the timeline.
Cause there’s no finish line in recovery.
Every sober minute of every single day is a win. 
And boy do I feel like a fucking winner today

#soberaf#soberversary#oneyearsobertoday#oneyearsober#werecover