oh em hoyt

For it being the shortest month of the year, I sure had a jam-packed month full of (mostly) good shit with a lot of rad stuff on the horizon!

• I did post a quick update on the fact that I’m transitioning out of my chemical dependency program which is feeling more and more like the direction I’m meant to go in. I have what will most likely be my last two sessions scheduled at Unity. In a couple weeks we’ll be going over my discharge plan and I will also have had my second session with my new therapist by then. The timing of all of this has just worked out almost perfectly. If all goes accordingly, beginning of April will be completion day at Unity. It’s bittersweet and kind of makes me giggle ’cause I remember bitching about going through yet another program at Unity (this is my third time). But this time is different because I’ve actually done the work and feel ready to be moving on. I’ll miss my check-ins with Brittany (who at first, I didn’t really vibe with) but I’m excited to see how my relationship with Anne (new therapist) progresses and evolves.

• I felt challenged this month – with it being a short month, it seemed like we (hubby and I) had a lot more packed into our weeks than usual. I had my meeting with my new therapist which had me feeling a little anxious, Valentines Day weekend was crazy for him at work, and he was already feeling a lot of pressure because, well, its work. We had a little bit of a disconnect as he was taking some external frustrations out in the wrong places. Mainly being frustrated with the number of commitments we had planned throughout the month which got to be a little overwhelming. Understandable and unintentional as it was, it kind of sent me into a spiral of self-pity and negativity. It brought up this mixed bag of contradicting emotions. I feel amazing because I have come so far and I’m proud of all the work I’ve put into my recovery but, I sometimes don’t take the time to recognize that it comes with sacrifice. I make time to put so much effort into my sobriety but it’s also time I’m not giving to him. He is so supportive and gets me to all my appointments (meetings every week, probation, counseling, new therapist etc.) and manages to take me out on dates, go grocery shopping, and run countless errands. I’m sure sometimes he feels more like a chauffeur rather than a husband. So, when he put up a stink about not wanting to take me to a meeting last week, I totally shut down. I immediately went into sobriety defense mode and thought “well, that’s just shitty of him.” But then, that turned into self-loathing because it wouldn’t be this way if I wasn’t an alcoholic in the first place. I started just tearing myself apart because sometimes it’s hard to not acknowledge that a lot of the circumstances we find ourselves in, are a result of the horrible decisions I made when I was drinking. Circumstances that affect our everyday lives, all the freakin’ time.

So, after I had enough of the pity party that I had thrown for myself, I tried to find the lesson in this unusual conflict and disconnect we were facing. I had to take a minute to live in the place he was coming from. And adversely try to get him to see what place his frustrations had put me in. We were able to have an open and honest conversation about how each of us were feeling and even share some deeper underlying feelings. What came of it, was understanding and resolution. We agreed that when it comes to anything that impacts my sobriety, it takes precedence. It has to. I also committed to being more considerate of his time and including him when making commitments that affect him. The biggest takeaway for me personally was that through my recovery process, one of the things lacking was my empathy for what and how my drinking affected and continues to affect the people around me. I need to be better at recognizing that although my path to recovery is my own, it has an impact on the people I love. I want to do better at understanding that with my ever-evolving sobriety, the relationships I have are changing too. My hope is that they change and grow stronger. I think we’re on the right path and it felt so much better after getting it all out into the light.

• Even with some challenges, there were a lot of bright spots in February. We did have an unplanned, impromptu Valentines Day date night at our favorite Sushi spot. Literally did the cliche thing and got the Lover’s Boat special ❤🍣

I started and launched a separate Instagram account @oh.em.hoyt.sober.af where I’m sharing some of the posts I’ve wrote on here, as well as quotes, inspirations, and other fun stuff to connect on a different platform. It also fuels my creative side and I’m having a lot of fun with it!

My Lunch Club Lady Lynn and I did dinner at hubby’s restaurant which was phenomenal! For Christmas I got us tickets to a Vivaldi Candlelight Concert at the Temple Theatre downtown. It was a “cultured” night of food and classical music. That same weekend, a regular customer turned friend and big supporter, April, competed in the Special Olympics and took home the gold medal in Figure Skating. I was so happy to have been there to watch her performance! She did an awesome job! I also put in some extra hours at work that Sunday so I could learn how inventory in the Deli was done. To top it all off, we had dinner plans with an old friend who we hadn’t seen in well over a year. It was really nice to reconnect with him and catch up. It was a BUSY weekend to say the least.

I was a little concerned about having so much planned and packed into a short span of days but I stayed vigilant with my self-care routines and stuck with my fundamentals so that I didn’t feel overwhelmed and burnt out. It was a success, and I was able to re-set and re-focus on Tuesday/Wednesday. Now, as I reflect on another month of life and sobriety which was full of great things and horrible weather, I have to say, I’m excited for it to be over.

Looking ahead, I’ll be celebrating NINE MONTHS SOBER in a few days, and we will be at Monday Night Raw on Netflix to commemorate me kicking ass at this whole sobriety thing! March will hopefully bring the last crappy days of wintery weather, and I could not be more excited for my first spring in recovery! I went for my first run of the year yesterday and it was exhilarating! I have lots of plans for Spring/Summer 2025! I can’t wait for the weather to break and really put more emphasis on my fitness outdoors. One of my goals in the new year was to do at least one couples hike per month with the hubster, but I will also be doing as many as I can individually with Rocovery and getting to the park for workouts as much as the weather permits. I’ve decided to do the 10K this fall so training for that should commence ASAP!

Lots of great things on the hoirzon and so much to look forward to! Mainly, I’m feeling so fulfilled and excited to look ahead and I have this newfound sense of elation for all that’s to come and none of it would be possible if I was still drinking. Those days seem so far from where I am now but I never forget how dark and hopeless they were in comparison. Simultaneously, a lot of it has to do with staying in the moment and enjoying all the little things along the way. I guess this is the part where I say some cliche inspirational thing so idk, the best is yet to come!

For real though, here’s to a great March and all the badass-ery that comes with it!

Stay safe • Stay you • Stay sober af 🤍