oh em hoyt

Yo! I’ve been sober for eight freaking months! 245 days since I had a drink. I never thought I’d make it this far and it still seems hard to believe. Shit, 245 days ago, my only concern was surviving the rest of the day. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I knew I had to; I knew it was time.

I think I mentioned in my seven mo . sober post how each month feels a little different and that sentiment rings true today. I have this newfound sense of security and confidence in my sobriety. These feelings have been growing within me for a while now but this month in particular, I found myself faced with some challenges (both anticipated & unexpected) that tested my commitment to my sobriety. If not for all the work I’ve put into recovery; developing the skills to cope with triggers, facing my feelings & emotions head on, and learning to love & trust myself, I’m not sure I would have been able to navigate my way through. It was because of all I’ve gained throughout my recovery, that I’ve been able to stay sober.

When I look back to those first few days, weeks, even months, my focus was only how to get through each day without drinking. Little by little I was building a sobriety toolkit; a kit that includes journaling, exercising, going to meetings, intense self-care, researching and reading about addiction & recovery. I was focused on all things that kept me present in the moment while also reflecting on and manifesting what I wanted my life to look like without alcohol. And over time, all those things I was adding in to keep alcohol out, became the foundation of what life is turning out to be.

I’ve tried really hard to stay humble throughout the process, to keep my ego in check while also giving myself the credit I deserve for making it as far as I have. I remember sitting at meetings in the beginning, hating hearing things like “it gets better” and “it just takes time”. Now, eight months later, I’m the one saying those things and TBH, I still kind of hate it. Mostly because, it’s not just time that makes it better, it’s the work you put in. It’s clawing your way out from the depths of withdrawal, it’s dealing with emotions you’ve been numbing for years, it’s acknowledging all that you wish you had done differently, and then doing it differently. It is hard, it is painful, it will test you, and it will shake you to your core.

But I promise you, if you put in the work; if you choose yourself, prioritize your sobriety, and build a life you want to live, it will be 100% worth it. It won’t happen overnight, but time will pass, it will get easier, the hard shit will still happen, you’ll just be better at dealing with it and be so much more proud of yourself when you do.

If you find yourself thinking, “I’ll never get to 8 months”, It’s okay, I thought that too. “When will it get better?” It gets better when you make the decision to be better. There is no magical cure, no set timeline, you don’t just wake up one day eight months sober and say “well that’s it, I’m done! I’m cured!” Sobriety and recovery isn’t something that just happens, you have to make it happen. It’s full of ups and downs, there is no end and that’s the beauty in it. If you do the work, you reap the rewards.

I’m not trying to feed you some motivational bullshit here, you can cultivate an existence where not only do you not need alcohol, you don’t want it because what you have is so much better. No matter what, do not give in, do not give up, and goddamnit, don’t let the monster win.