oh em hoyt

Ok so let me start by saying that this had to have been the best Christmas I’ve had in as long as I can remember. And it wasn’t only because I was sober.

Technically, this wasn’t my first sober Christmas. Come to think of it, I was sober last year on Christmas day, but only because I had to see my probation officer a couple days later which meant I couldn’t drink. If I remember correctly, I was in the midst of, yet another withdrawal and I recall worrying more about having to hand out and open presents with shaky ass hands than I did anything else. There were so many reasons to be joyful and merry and bright; biggest one being that my sister was eight-ish months pregnant with my niece. Her and her boyfriend were (as a Christmas surprise) about to ask my husband and I to be the baby’s godparents, my parents were over the moon about becoming grandparents for the first time, and there was so much to celebrate and look forward to in the upcoming year. Now, it was a great day, it’s not that I wasn’t happy and excited about all of those things, but, beneath the surface, I was anxious, miserable, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

Fast forward one year later ❤

This Christmas I woke up 205 days sober. I had had a great night of sleep, no hangover, no shakes, nothing but pure excitement for the day ahead! There were beautifully wrapped presents under the tree; thoughtful gifts that I had budgeted for, spent time putting together, and I was beyond excited to give to the people I love most. I sipped my coffee while listening to Christmas tunes anxiously waiting to start the day! We were determined to make Lena’s first Christmas absolutely magical!

From beginning to end, it was the perfect day! I went to bed last night feeling so happy, full of love, and at peace. I mean, do you see the smile on that baby’s face? How could you not be overcome with joy?

Even though there have been a few Christmases in which I wasn’t actively drinking, this is my first holiday season as a fully committed, wholeheartedly, invested sober individual. Had I not had the previous 204 days sober, I’m certain that this Christmas would not have been the same. I can’t really imagine what it would look like, but I know it wouldn’t have felt this good.

Merry Christmas ya’ll! ⭐